Several weeks ago I reached my breaking point. I was exhausted….emotionally, mentally and physically overwhelmed. Anyone who knows me even for just a moment knows I always plan some type of celebration for my birthday every year, but chapter 37 was different for some reason. I had no party planned, no dinner, no trip. Nada. What was happening? Could this be some kind of premature midlife crisis? I rebuke that thought in the name of Jesus! The only real explanation was stress. It was taking a toll on me.

With the impending 11th anniversary of my daughter’s death approaching (this time every year is such an emotional rollercoaster….birthday is Feb. 27 and daughter was stillborn on March 11), I knew I needed to think of something STAT.

Several years ago, I told myself I would go somewhere I’ve never been every year to celebrate, but what would I do this year? I waited until the very last minute. Flights at this point were going to be extortion prices. Originally, I planned to go to London to visit my family and then go to Dubai to visit one of my sister friends. But then #45 decided to drop the travel ban axe. Sure, I’m an American and would have no issues gaining entrance back into the United States, but I really just didn’t want the international travel headache (hindsight: I could have gone, but at the time….nah).

At this point, I was having some serious anxiety about my 37th birthday. Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks. After a very unexpectedly stressful day, I found myself in my director’s office crying. Not just the one “Denzel tear” running down my face. I was in a full blown crying spell. Was I experiencing some kind of breakdown? Surely not. I have a horrible poker face, but I generally am able to keep THOSE kinds of emotions to myself. Or so I thought.

The very next day, after a long conversation with my mom, I made a decision to take a solo trip to somewhere warm with absolutely no agenda. Airline tickets to travel during the week were unbelievably low. Puerto Rico it is!

BEST. DECISION. EVER.

Sure, I had a little anxiety about traveling by myself. Who would I talk to? Who would watch my stuff when leaving the beach to go to the restroom? Who would I eat meals with? Even more….who was going to split the cost of housing? I know, I know. First world problems.

As I write this on my last day in paradise (at a beautiful resort by the way….shoutout to Wyndam Grand Rio Del Mar Beach Resport and Spa) looking at the beauty God created with this ocean, I know I am incredibly blessed and highly favored. This trip was EXACTLY what I needed. Good food, great drinks, incredible scenery, relaxing spa and of course the beautiful sun (LOVING my tan!). Did I mention I actually read an entire book? Yes, me. I never manage to find time to read anything other than the news, but I deliberately picked “The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl.” Great read Issa Rae! I see so much of myself in many of her stories as she navigated through life.

I am more relaxed and at peace than I have been in a long time. With a renewed focus, I am looking forward to Chapter 37. No, I don’t always want to take solo trips (one day I will actually go on my honeymoon….let us all virtually touch and agree that my husband will find me. On God’s time of course.), but I will if it means I am in need of pressing the refresh button on that moment in life.

If any of you reading this blog post (all 10 of you I’m sure!) ever find yourself at a breaking point like I experienced, find the “Control+Alt+Delete” button and plan a solo trip….even if just overnight at a hotel. Treat yourself. You deserve it!